My Sexy Saturday, week 67

Welcome to week 67 of My Sexy Saturday, a blog hop giving writers of erotica an opportunity to share 7 words, 7 sentences, or 7 paragraphs of their work.

Each week is based on a different theme and this week it is 'A Sexy First'.  For my contribution I have decided to share James and India's first time having sex in their new house...

------------------------------------------------------------

When she came out a minute later James lost any ability to control himself. He had been expecting something fancy, lace, satin, bows, maybe stockings and heels to finish off the delectable ensemble. He was very wrong though. The third item of lingerie was a sheer long sleeve black babydoll which didn't have straps or lacy cups to hide her boobs, instead it had a single ribbon which tied just below her breasts. Her nipples were easily seen through the sheer fabric, hard and pointy, just calling to be licked, sucked, rubbed, tweaked and squeezed. In comparison to the other two pieces of lingerie it was relatively plain, but bloody hell it got his blood pumping - straight to his cock.

He tore his eyes from the heart attack inducing sight and as he watched India walking toward him he was afraid he might cum before she even reached the bed. Her boobs were jiggling slightly and had a hypnotic effect on him; as if on autopilot he pulled the blankets off him, exposing his cock to his very impressed looking audience of one. It was hard to breathe when India carefully straddled him at the hips and he feared he may pass out from a lack of oxygen. The raging throb in his cock increased as he felt India's pussy graze against the tip of his cock and though it (literally) pained him to do so he stopped himself from pulling her down on him, taking time to kiss the sexy woman perched on his cock.

India moaned against his mouth as they began kissing and he was glad she was as turned on as he was, it would have been a shame if he came after a minute or two and she wasn't even close to reaching her peak. Aware he wouldn't be able to maintain his restraint for much longer James broke off the kiss and pulled her forward, capturing one very hard nipple between his lips. India cried out in anguish as he gently sucked on and then licked her nipple, the layer of sheer fabric between his tongue and her nipple obviously providing a little added friction against her nipple.

The weight of her breast against his mouth had the effect it always did, a wild hunger began rising up inside him. He began to suck her nipple harder and harder, his fingers digging into her hips, his own hips instinctively arching upward, as if his cock was trying to find her wet, tight opening all by itself. He needed her pussy, he needed her wetness, her swollen warmth and it was with a flustered groan he quickly switched nipples, wanting to hold out as long as he could before finally pulling her down around him. He was losing the battle and began pulling at the other nipple while sucking extremely hard on the one in his mouth until – without realising – he was biting it.

India was moaning and crying out in pleasure as he tortured and tormented her nipple and he could feel her body trembling beneath his touch. James managed to remove his hand from India's other nipple and moved it between them so he could undo the bow which held the babydoll together below her breasts. He moved the fabric apart and groaned with delight as he finally felt her bare nipple against his tongue.

At the same time India slid down his cock, her pussy juices coated his hardness and almost instantly the hot, slick wetness caused a deep, almost painful throb in his cock. He tried to keep it at bay but India began moving her hips hard and fast against him and he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He pulled her down tightly at the hips and started to almost growl as he felt his orgasm building. India had already started screaming and in a case of deliciously perfectly timing they came together

Loud groans and screams filled their room as he pulled her down and pushed into her so hard she wasn't able to move her hips. Her pussy was tightly strangling his cock and each tight contraction around him prolonged his orgasm. Wave after wave they rode until finally their orgasms subsided.

My Sexy Saturday, week 60

After taking a few weeks off (okay... forgetting to sign up!) I am back with another My Sexy Saturday post!  For those of you who don't know, My Sexy Saturday is a bloghop which gives writers an opportunity to share 7 words, sentences or paragraphs based on a specific theme each week.

This weeks theme is 'Our Sexy Romance', and the excerpt I am sharing is from one of my (many) unnamed WIP.  It features Jenna and Lucas who are (in this excerpt) on their annual New Years getaway.  Jenna has recently found out she is pregnant and this has caused her and Lucas to re-evaluate their lives and their relationship... including their ideas about marriage.  Well, for Lucas anyway.

---------------------------------------------

“I love you,” Lucas whispered, smiling softly at Jenna.

“I love you too,” Jenna replied contently.

“I know things have been hard for us at times, but I think the fact we are both sitting here like this tonight shows how strong we are and how strong our love is,” Lucas told her, his voice surprisingly full of conviction and emotion.

“Things have been amazing and things have been hard... but we've always had our love and I think that is what has gotten us through,” Jenna agreed, wondering what had caused Lucas to open up in such a way.

“All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, raising our children, enjoying our grandchildren and our great grandchildren... and I would really love if you would marry me,” Lucas announced and moved his hands out from underneath the blanket that was over them.

In his hands was a red ring case which he opened and presented her with. Inside was a gorgeous ring – the type she had always dreamed of – three perfect round diamonds set in a plain white gold band; it was beautiful and she probably couldn't have picked a more perfect ring herself.

My Sexy Saturday, week 49

Welcome back for another My Sexy Saturday!

If you aren't familiar with My Sexy Saturday, it is a blog hop which gives writers the chance to share 7 words, 7 sentences or 7 paragraphs from a published work, or a work in progress, based on a specific sexy theme each week.

The theme for week 49 is 'One Sexy Lady', and my 'sexy 7' are from a WIP which I have used a few times now for this blog hop.

The sexy lady in question is the beautiful Jenna.  Her and her partner, Lucas, experienced the loss of their baby girl 14 weeks into pregnancy, a couple of weeks after Jenna lost both of her parents in a tragic car accident (which her sister blamed her for).  As the story develops we get to see Jenna developing, becoming stronger, becoming happier, we get to see her healing, we get to see her overcoming what life has thrown at her, we get to see her relationship with Lucas go from strength to strength.

In my sexy 7 for this week, Jenna is pregnant again, her and Lucas have bought a house and are days away from getting married.  Life is wonderful, but as you can see in the following excerpt, being happy in her life has the potential to make Jenna miss her precious Sasha and her parents even more.

---------------------------------------------

 

“I'm sorry darling, this must be such a bittersweet time for you,” Josephine said and Jenna nodded, her lip trembling.

“It's... it's so hard to... I just... my parents should be here...” Jenna sobbed.

“My mum wasn't around when I was pregnant, or when I got married, so I understand what it is you are going through,” Josephine reassured her. “And you are allowed to be upset about it,” she added, wrapping her arms tightly around her grandsons wife-to-be.

“I feel lucky to have you, to have India, even my sister now that we are talking, but... I just miss them Josie, I miss them so damn much,” Jenna cried, trying to compose herself, but failing.

For the next twenty minutes Jenna cried in  Josephine's arms and missed her parents more than she had missed them in a long time. She wished she could be sharing her baby moving with them, she wished they could be getting excited about her wedding with her, instead she was trying to ignore the fact it was almost five years since they had died.

The story that made my wife cry --- *trigger warning*

A couple of weeks ago I posted a story I had written for my Creative Writing class.  The whole idea was to write a story, submit it to our tutor, she'd give us feedback and we would review/rewrite the story, before submitting the final version for assessment.

I submitted the final version of the story tonight, so thought I would share it here, because I know a few people were interested in reading the reviewed/rewritten version!

(Here is the original version of the story)

The story is about a couple who experience a late miscarriage... so if this is likely to be something that triggers you, perhaps give it a miss, or read it when you are in the mood to cry.  I think that pregnancy loss (particularly late miscarriage and stillbirth) needs to be spoken about more so women (and their families) don't feel it is something they need to keep hidden inside.  Many of my friends have experienced late miscarriages and have had babies born still, I myself have had four first trimester losses, so it is something very close to my heart.

and with that said, here is my story... I hope you... I don't think 'enjoy it' is the right term... but I hope it strikes a chord.


*********************************************

They Would Remember Her

Lucas was torn between wanting Jenna to wake up and wanting her to stay in the drug-induced sleep she was in. Jenna waking up meant that part of the nightmare would be over for him; his beautiful Jenna would be awake and his fear that he was going to lose her as well as their baby would be a thing of the past. But Jenna waking up also signified the start of their new life together – life as parents whose baby had died – and he wasn't ready for that. How was he supposed to support Jenna when he could barely hold it together himself?

The voicemail kept replaying in his head, 'Luke, I need you... the baby, I'm... something is wrong, Luke. I'm bleeding and these cramps are... oh god, Luke, I need you... I have to ring... ambulance, I... oh god...' there had been a cry of excruciating pain before the voicemail abruptly ended. It had been a deep-seeded cry of agony that he knew would haunt him forever.

What had started out as a day of hunting and other manly pursuits with his best friends had concluded in the most overwhelming panic he had ever experienced. The second he'd heard the terrified tone in Jenna's voice, his entire body had tensed up, his heart had begun racing and his palms had grown sweaty; the voicemail still going as he'd torn through the pub, gasping for air, hoping the silence outside would calm him and he would realise he had misunderstood the whole thing.

Sadly, he hadn't misheard.

Jenna was blurred by the silent tears he couldn't stop, but even through his distorted vision she looked peaceful, angelic even. Her pale hands were resting protectively on her belly and there was the slightest hint of a smile on her lips, their usual redness drained to a dim, almost lifeless pink. Perhaps she was dreaming about their baby, perhaps she was dreaming that she was still pregnant, that their hopes and dreams for their little one were still obtainable.

That Jenna was oblivious was something Lucas envied. How he would have loved to go to sleep and escape the grief which was strangling him like a noose pulled tight around his neck. Every breath he took was a struggle, it hurt going in and it hurt even more going out. With every pained breath, the fog cleared a little more and their new reality became more real, more focused, sharper.

Lucas shifted in the uncomfortable metal chair −the nurse had offered to move a more comfortable chair in for him, but he had refused her offer. Jenna had gone through the scariest experience of her life alone, while he was off laughing and having fun, so why should he accept the offer of anything that would make life a little easier for him? He should have been there with her, the panic should have been something they shared, she shouldn't have had to call for an ambulance, she shouldn't have had to be alone. Alone. Because of him, she had been alone.

A nurse came into the room and quietly set about recording Jenna's vitals on the blue clipboard at the end of the bed. Lucas tried to avoid making eye contact with the young woman, but when she addressed him he had no choice but to turn toward her.

“She is stable,” the nurse, Lucy according to her name badge, informed him and then gave him a sympathetic look. “Is there anything I can get you?” she asked softly.

“My baby back?” Lucas replied bitterly and then cringed. It wasn't the nurse's fault. “I'm sorry, I... no, there isn't anything you can get for me,” he told the woman, who again gave him that sympathetic look.

“She will be awake soon,” Lucy reassured him, “Are you sure you don't want the doctor to talk to her about the surgery?”

“Like I told the doctor, it needs to come from me,” Lucas sighed, dreading the moment when Jenna was with it enough to ask what had happened. The nurse nodded her understanding.

“Just press the call button if you or Jenna need anything,” Lucy said quietly and again gave him that look.

'The look'. He was already sick of it. It was a mixture of pity and sympathy combined with a huge dose of 'I'm so glad it didn't happen to me' and a dash of 'oh crap, is he going to cry again?' The doctor had given it to them, the nurses who had been involved in Jenna's care had given it to them, the anaesthetist had given it to him. He knew it was only the start too, because other than him, Jenna and the staff at the hospital, no one else knew their baby had died yet.

Telling other people was something he was dreading, almost as much as he dreaded telling Jenna how serious things had been for her. Both sets of parents needed to be contacted, his sister, Jenna's brother and sister, his grandparents, their friends, their colleagues, the old lady who lived across the road. How the hell was he supposed to retell the awful story over and over... and over?

Lucas had been preparing for the day he could share with the world that their darling baby had arrived. He had been so excited about announcing their baby's name, their baby's weight, the time he or she was born, whether Jenna had had a natural birth or a caesarean. It was a day that was going to be full of the overuse of the classic cliché statement 'Mum and baby doing well', a day full of introducing his pride and joy to their family and friends. He would over-enthusiastically share photo after photo after photo of their baby – with anyone who would look – and he would say dozens of times that he was so proud of Jenna.

A fresh wave of grief hit and he felt angry with himself. How dare he be upset after everything he had made Jenna go through without him? He didn't deserve to feel upset, it wasn't him who had had to go through hours of bleeding and contractions, it wasn't him who had been alone in hospital while strange doctors examined him and prepared him for the likelihood his baby was going to die soon. All the while he had been laughing, he had been making jokes, he had pretended to be sad that that particular outing would be his last before the baby arrived and he was – as he had put it – 'tied down forever'.

He slumped forward and buried his face in the firm mattress and stiff cover of the hospital bed, while gripping onto the cold metal frame. A loud scream erupted from somewhere deep inside him, it felt as if every single nerve in his body was screaming. His muscles clenched and shook, his heart started to race, he could feel the blood thumping in his head; the scream was long and continuous, he was trembling violently and couldn't stop. There was no heat in the room, he was frozen and could feel his teeth chattering together, even through the scream.

The scream was replaced by loud sobbing and he was quickly aware of the rough bed cover feeling wet and salty against his face. His eyes felt almost raw because of the amount of tears he had cried since that voicemail which had changed everything. No. He lied, the tears hadn't come until he'd answered the phone call from Jenna's doctor, requesting that he make his way to the hospital as fast as possible. He was told that Jenna was experiencing a 'likely impending miscarriage' and the 'pregnancy' was coming to a 'natural end', as the doctor had so coldly put it after quoting some stupid statistic about instances of 'late term miscarriage'.

Lucas had cried angry tears as he thought of the doctor's wording, referring to their baby as 'the pregnancy', using the terms 'likely impending miscarriage' and 'natural end', rather than being up front and saying “We suggest you get here quickly, we believe your baby is dying.” It would have been blunt, but it would have been realistic. Did the doctor think that by de-humanising what was happening the pain they were going to feel would be lessened?

The journey after that was a blur, all Lucas knew was that Jenna was in room 4 on the obstetrics ward and that he needed to be with her as fast as was humanly possible. He drove with his foot far too heavily on the accelerator and his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard it hurt. He yearned to be by Jenna's side and couldn't remember ever feeling so desperate to get somewhere. When the city had come into view, his tears fell even faster, turning the cityscape into abstract art, bright shocks of light and vaguely rectangular shapes which formed a picture that didn't quite look real.

Lucas stilled when he felt fingertips brush against the nape of his neck and he let out a loud, shaky sigh as that hand came to rest lightly on the back of his head.

“Lucas,” Jenna's raspy voice was barely a whisper.

He didn't want to look at her because he knew she would see right through him. At the same time, he needed to look into her eyes, to see for himself that she was alive and he wasn't imagining it. Slowly, he looked up and was surprised to see she was smiling. Had she forgotten that before she'd begun to crash the doctor had confirmed their beautiful baby had died?

“You're here,” Jenna observed and he nodded as he placed his hand over hers.

“I'm sorry I left you,” Lucas told her, his voice wavering as more tears threatened.

“You didn't leave me,” Jenna reminded him, her voice surprisingly full of conviction. “I wanted you to go to Trev's stag night,” she added.

“I shouldn't have gone,” Lucas replied, shaking his head, his anger at himself simmering back to the surface. “If I hadn't gone I would have been there with you and this wouldn't have happened,” he proclaimed.

“Luke, look at me,” Jenna demanded. She only ever called him Luke in their most intimate or emotional of moments. Lucas looked at her, his eyes brimming with tears. “This would have happened if you were there, or not,” she declared, her voice breaking as tears began to cascade down her cheeks.

There was no way Lucas could simply sit at her bedside and hold her hand while she cried. She needed him and he needed her. He slipped his shoes off and without even thinking about it undid his jeans and removed them too, placing them in a heap on the chair he had been sitting on. Hospital beds weren't made for two people but somehow he managed to get in and lie on his side next to Jenna. He held her as close as was possible considering the monitors she was attached to, and the fact she had had abdominal surgery. It may not have been as close as he would have liked, but to finally have her in his arms felt amazing. He hadn't realised how much he had needed that contact with her.

The sounds of their grief combined and created a haunting symphony which echoed around the room; if he cared to think about it, Lucas would have been sure their cries probably carried right throughout the obstetrics ward.

“I need to know what happened,” the hushed tones of Jenna's voice shook him from his thoughts.

“You should rest some more,” Lucas suggested, trying to stall the inevitable.

“Luke,” Jenna's voice was firm. There was no way he was going to be able to put it off any longer.

“How much do you remember?” Lucas asked, wondering from which point in time he needed to start recounting the story for her.

“I... I remember the doctor... and the ultrasound... saying the baby was... was...” Jenna started, then took a minute to compose herself. “I know the baby died... I remember the pain getting worse, I remember the doctor telling me I was dilating... I... I remember that I was in labour... then I felt dizzy... I remember you pushing the button for the nurse... and she didn't come... and you said they were fucking useless and you left the room... you were running... I could hear you shouting about blood... I was going to yell at you for yelling at the nurses...” Jenna continued between sobs. She took another deep breath and carried on, “And then you were in that chair screaming into the mattress, and I wanted to hug you, but I couldn't talk... and you couldn't see me... and I needed to touch you...”

Lucas lifted Jenna's hand up to his mouth and kissed each knuckle. Jenna moved her fingers between Lucas's and gently squeezed his hand.

“I'm ready,” she told him and Lucas kissed her on the cheek before finally starting.

“When I got back to the room with the nurses you had passed out, one of the nurses called for the doctor while the other checked your blood loss,” Lucas began, squeezing his eyes shut as the scene replayed in his mind. “The nurse called the doctor again and said it was urgent, that you were haemorrhaging.” He had to stop, the image of the blood-soaked sheets was too much for him.

“Take your time, baby,” Jenna whispered soothingly and squeezed his hand again.

Lucas exhaled loudly and picked up where he left off. “The doctor arrived and told me they had to get you into surgery immediately, he said they would do an emergency cesarean and try to stop the bleeding.” The next part was the hardest for him. “He warned that you might not make it through the surgery.” The memory of that alone stopped him in his tracks, and again he began to cry.

“I'm okay, baby. It's okay,” Jenna whispered. There was so much compassion in her voice, it had so many soothing qualities that it caused his heart to break all over again. She would have been an amazing mum. Would be. When their time came... again.

“What... what about the baby?” Jenna asked, there was a soft quality to her voice he had never heard before.

“Doctor Bishop said that if we would like to spend some time with the baby we can, when we are ready, but that we don't have to, in which case we need to let them know and they will advise us of the options for.. well... what happens with the...” Lucas started to relay the information the doctor had given him, but Jenna cut him off.

“I need to see my baby,” Jenna insisted, her voice full of conviction and strength. “Before we even think of cremation or burial, I NEED to have my first cuddle with my baby,” she added and Lucas felt a lump rising in his throat, not because he was sad, but because Jenna sounded as desperate to see their baby as he felt.

“Do you want me to ring for the nurse?” Lucas asked and Jenna nodded.

“Please, I want to see our little... wait, do you know if it is a girl or a boy?” Jenna stopped him before he rang the call button.

“The doctor said they were able to determine the sex but I wanted us to find out together,” Lucas informed her.

Jenna and Lucas had agreed early on in the pregnancy that they didn't want to find out the sex of their baby until he or she was born. Both looked forward to that special moment when their baby was placed into Jenna's arms for the very first time and together they would peek inside the soft blanket their child was wrapped in to reveal whether they had a son or a daughter.

It was that thought that got them through the weeks of morning sickness Jenna had experienced. Every morning at 6.45am Jenna would wake up, groan, stumble out of bed and rush to their ensuite. Lucas was always close behind and would crouch down beside her as she leaned against the toilet to throw up. He would rub her back and tell her it was okay, even though he didn't know if it was normal for her to look so pale and for every movement she made to seem so sluggish. Every morning for ten weeks she would slump into his arms and he would pepper kisses all over the top of her head while she tried to get the energy to stand up and go back to bed.

After Lucas informed the nurse they were ready to meet their baby, the nurse helped Jenna get more comfortable, propping her up on pillows and changing the angle of the bed so she was as close to sitting as the pain in her abdomen would allow. Lucas and Jenna sat in silence while waiting for their baby to be brought to them. He wanted to talk, he wanted to find something comforting to say, but they were about to hold their dead baby... he knew there were no words that would suffice.

The door finally opened and not for the first time that day, Lucas struggled to breathe. All he could see was the small off-white blanket the nurse was cradling in her hands. A baby wasn't meant to fit in the palm of your hands, it was meant to be cuddled protectively in your arms. Lucas felt tears sliding down his cheeks as he watched the nurse carefully place their baby – wrapped in the tiny blanket – in Jenna's hands.

They finally had their baby.

Before she had gone to get the baby, the nurse had informed them what their baby would look like, the mottled colouration, the disporportionate body and head, the fragile nature of an under-developed fetus. Lucas had imagined the sight of their child would upset him, that it would possibly even scare him, and now he felt immense guilt that he had worried the sight of their child would give him nightmares.

What he hadn't been prepared for was that when he drunk in the sight of their precious baby, he would be looking at a miniature version of Jenna. There was nothing 'mottled' or 'disproportionate' or 'fragile' about the angelic baby he was looking at. The only word that came to mind was 'perfection'.

“She looks beautiful, just like her mother,” Lucas whispered.

“She? How do you know?” Jenna whispered back.

“My darling, she looks just like you, there is no doubt in my mind we created a little princess,” Lucas told her in the same hushed tone.

“I don't see it,” Jenna replied, her voice still a quiet whisper.

“The little nose, it is a replica of yours,” Lucas began. “The little lips, the same beautiful bow shape as yours,” he continued. “Even the eyelashes, they would have been long, I can tell,” he turned and smiled at her. “And I bet she has the same bright blue eyes as you, eyes that would get her out of a lot of trouble growing up,” Lucas surprised himself by chuckling quietly before he adding, “Like you... I can never stay angry at you, one deep look into those eyes and I am rendered useless.”

“I need to see for myself,” Jenna stated, and had their hearts not been crumbling piece by piece, he would have been sure she sounded almost upbeat. Grief did funny things to a person.

Lucas moved a pillow onto Jenna's lap and she gently placed their carefully swaddled baby on the pillow, Lucas heard her inhale deep and long and held his breath as she opened the blanket. For the first time – and the last – they took in the sight of their perfect baby girl. Normally Lucas would have exclaimed 'I told you! I'm always right!' and Jenna would have rolled her eyes as she shook her head and giggled quietly.

Not in that moment though.

He needed to get to know his daughter. He needed to touch her hand, to gently run the pad of his thumb down the sole of the smallest foot he had ever seen, to stroke her cheek... and through tears he did it all. Through tears he watched Jenna committing every tiny feature of their daughter to memory, her touch so delicate, so protective... the touch of a mother, he realised.

“We need photos of her,” Jenna suddenly said loudly, her voice full of panic.

“I have my phone, we can ta...” Lucas began to say, stopping abruptly when Jenna gripped tightly onto his forearm.

“We can't call her 'her'! She needs a name Lucas!” Jenna exclaimed, clenching his forearm so tightly her nails dug into his skin painfully.

“Sweetheart, try and breathe... I want us to name her as well,” Lucas assured her and felt the tension leaving Jenna's fingers before her hand fell from his arm to his thigh.

“Sasha...” Jenna's whispered, she swallowed loudly and seconds later her sobs filled the room.

“Sasha,” Lucas said nodding his head, his throat burning and jaw clenching as he began to weep.

When there was a break in the tears Lucas silently took the only photos they would ever have of their darling daughter.

They were photos he knew they would look at in fifty years time and cry as they thought about the beautiful child who had been a physical presence in their life so briefly but would always be their first born child.

On her birthday, they would remember her. On Mother's Day and Father's Day, they would remember her. At Christmas, they would remember her. Every single day, for the rest of their lives, they would remember her.

No matter how many times they were blessed with a new addition to their family, no matter how rich their life was, no matter how much happiness they had, no matter how many great memories they created and shared, there would always be something missing. Their first born. Their Sasha.

Sex and a spanking... just a normal afternoon in suburbia

It's late here, but I wanted to share an excerpt from one of my stories, before I head to bed!

This excerpt is from a story I have posted a few excerpts from before, the main characters are two couples -  Jenna & Lucas, and India & James - and it follows both couples on their path to parenthood.  For those of you who have read previous excerpts from this story, you will know that Jenna and Lucas are pregnant with a baby boy, five years after losing their little girl, Sasha, at 14 weeks. 

This little afternoon of sexing occurs after Lucas has a run in with their (ex) friend Shane, who they have just found out was cheating on his girlfriend...

I'm too ill and tired to go into anymore detail, so I shall leave you with the excerpt, and links to other excerpts (including My Sexy Saturday blog hop posts) from this story!

Enjoy xxx

Click on any of these links to read my other Jenna & Lucas / India & James excerpts:

Pregnant and horny, what's a girl to do?

Happy Valentine's Day! Have some sex! (focus on India & James)

Lucas gets his own back on Jenna 

Something a little different (this isn't officially part of the story... it is a short-story I wrote for a uni assignment, based on Lucas & Jenna losing Sasha)

My Sexy Saturday - week 32

My Sexy Saturday - week 34

My Sexy Saturday - week 36 (focus on India & James)

My Sexy Saturday - week 37 (focus on India & James)

My Sexy Saturday - week 38

My Sexy Saturday - week 41 (focus on India & James)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now for the actual excerpt!

Jenna tried to contain her excitement when she heard Lucas's car in the driveway... she was still asleep when he'd left for training that morning and she had missed him like mad while he was away. When he walked inside Jenna's excitement turned to concern – Lucas looked angry – and for a moment she was taken back to the days that anger had been aimed at her, albeit in a misguided way. Lucas walked straight up to her and wrapped his arms around her.

“God I love you,” Lucas sighed and buried his face in her neck.

“I love you too,” Jenna said, her arms as tightly around him as his were around her.

“I almost punched Shane,” Lucas confessed and Jenna moved one of her hands up so she could stroke the back of his neck.

“What happened baby?” Jenna asked, surprised that he had said 'almost' rather than 'did'.

“Bit my tongue all day, then it was just me, James and him in the locker room after training and... I just... I had to say something,” Lucas explained, moving his face from her neck and looking her in the eyes. “I came so close to punching that little cunt... I really did... I was so angry... everything he said wound me up more and more and then he... well, he said something that tipped me over the edge. I came so close... but I stepped away... and left,” he said, recounting the experience for Jenna.

“I am proud of you,” Jenna replied and kissed him gently. “But what did he say to make you so angry?” she couldn't help but ask.

“He... he... well, he kind of insinuated that I'm physically abusive to you,” Lucas said quietly and Jenna scowled.

“That bastard... how dare he! We might have had a period of time where we yelled at each other a lot, but you have never come close to raising your fist at me,” Jenna said with conviction.

“I hope it's not the impression that the other guys have of me as well,” Lucas sighed and Jenna could tell that Shane's comment had had an effect on him.

“It sounds to me like Shane was trying to make you lash out,” Jenna commented and Lucas nodded.

“Yea, I guess he probably was,” Lucas agreed.

“Come on gorgeous man, why don't you put your feet up and I'll make us both a drink,” Jenna suggested and Lucas nodded.

“Sounds like a perfect idea to me, but don't worry about making me a drink... I would sooner cuddle with my wife-to-be on the couch,” Lucas said and then kissed her.

The kiss started out gentle but the moment Jenna put her hands underneath his t-shirt and started to stroke just above his hips, the kiss deepened. Then deepened some more. Then became hungry... and hungrier. Lucas walked Jenna backward into the lounge, not taking his lips off hers for a second. Well, not until he removed her top... Jenna followed in kind and helped him out of his top, and as Lucas reached behind her to undo her bra she let out a shuddery whimper. When Lucas stopped after two hooks Jenna whimpered loudly and looked up at him.

“Don't stop...” Jenna begged and Lucas chuckled.

“Where is grandma?” Lucas asked and Jenna winked at him.

“She is out visiting an old friend, gave me a naughty little wink when she left, said she wouldn't be back until five, and to use the time wisely,” Jenna informed him.

“Who knew that grandma would say something like that!” Lucas chuckled and Jenna bit her tongue before she told him that she wasn't at all surprised. She also failed to tell him that Josephine had been rather dressed up when she left... and Jenna had a sneaking suspicion it was an old male friend she was going to be spending the afternoon with.

Lucas resumed undoing the hooks on her bra and when he threw it across the room Jenna could tell that he was in the mood for some not-so-sweet sex. Good. So was she. Jenna moved her hands to the waistband of his trackpants and dipped her fingertips inside his boxers, teasingly stroking his treasure trail, stopping just before making contact with the tip of his cock. The groans coming from him were delightful and made her pussy clench tightly. Although she loved teasing him there was only so much teasing she could do and decided to put him out of his misery.

She slid his boxers and trackpants down far enough for them to fall the rest of the way by themselves. When Lucas stepped out of them Jenna suddenly felt a hunger for him that was so strong, she couldn't resist pushing him back onto the couch and ordering him to lie down on his back. She knew he enjoyed removing her clothing by himself, but she needed him inside her so badly that she quickly took her skirt and panties off by herself... and wasted no time in straddling him and sliding down his gloriously hard length.

Jenna cried out loudly as his cock hit the back of her pussy – she had wanted him – NEEDED him all day, and the relief that he was finally inside her was immense. She didn't bother teasing him with gentle hip movements, because as much as she could tell HE needed fast 'growly' sex, so did she. With a hand on the back of the couch and Lucas supporting her hips with his hands Jenna started moving hard and fast against him, making sure that her legs were as far apart as was comfortable for her, to ensure he was hitting as deep inside as was possible.

The friction on her clit caused her to moan loudly as the sensations coursed through her system and she began riding him increasingly harder. She didn't give a fuck that her back hurt, that her hips hurt or that she was exhausted, the sex felt so good she wished there was a way for them to stay like that for at least a month. His cock had never felt quite so good, it filled her so completely that the friction wasn't just on her clit, but right throughout her pussy.

When Lucas pulled her down even harder, Jenna let out a strangled scream as she felt her pussy tightening around him – which of course caused the friction to intensify – and all too soon she started to feel her orgasm building up. Jenna looked at him pleadingly and he understood the meaning behind the look, moving his hands from her hips to lessen the friction, helping her to keep her developing orgasm at bay. He moved his hands back to her hips but rather than pulling down he just rested them there while Jenna continued riding him – albeit not quite as hard as moments earlier – it was worth it though... anything to make that pleasure last as long as possible!

Jenna enjoyed watching the expression on Lucas's face as she rode him. She had always loved that she had the ability to cause him to look so flustered and needy, as if he was completely at her mercy... especially when she was on top. The sounds he made were another enjoyable extra for her, his grunts and groans were always very gutteral and deep... very primal, and they never ever failed to turn her on even more. As she listened to the loud groans coming from Lucas, Jenna could feel her willpower slipping away... All she wanted to do was to take her gorgeous man to the point of no return and to hear the loud manly roar as he came.

If she didn't drown out his roar with her own screams of pleasure.

Spreading her legs as far as she could Jenna sunk down further and understanding her unspoken desires, Lucas helped by pulling her down tightly at the hips again. The sudden increase of pressure and friction causing her orgasm start to build again. Jenna was crying out loudly and found herself tuning out to the rest of the world; Lucas felt unbelievable inside her and there was no way she could stop what was coming.

Tightening her grip on the back of the couch Jenna started to move as fast and hard as she could against Lucas, her orgasm building and building and building until she was screaming so loudly her throat felt raw. Lucas pulled her down one final time and that sent her over the edge, her orgasm hitting her like a tonne of bricks, causing her to let out a loud, long, almost piercing scream as her orgasm kept hitting and hitting and hitting, before finally starting to peter off... just as Lucas's own orgasm hit. She heard the loud roar and when Lucas pulled her down and pushed into her at the same time Jenna found herself screaming again as orgasm number two came out of nowhere.

Jenna had no idea how she managed to move off Lucas and found herself giggling when he stood up, swooped her up in his arms and carried her through to the bedroom, laying her gently on the bed before collapsing on it himself. Lucas lay with his head on her chest and Jenna lazily stroked the back of his neck while he grazed his fingers along the underside of her belly.

“I'm going to miss not being able to feel him kicking after he's born,” Lucas said quietly and Jenna giggled.

“I know, I will as well,” Jenna replied.

“Obviously I'm going to love having him here,” Lucas reassured her. “But there is just something so... intimate and... peaceful and... I don't know... calming about rubbing your belly and feeling him moving around in there,” he explained.

“I feel the exact same way,” Jenna told him and placed her free hand on top of his, smiling as she entwined her fingers with his.

“At least we still have around 13 weeks of this to experience before he arrives,” Lucas said.

“It seems like a lifetime away, but at the same time it isn't really that far away,” Jenna commented and felt slightly nervous as she thought about giving birth.

“And you know I will be right by your side when our little man makes his arrival,” Lucas reassured her and Jenna shrugged.

“Who knows. Maybe you'll be away and I will go into labour a bit earlier than expected... you could miss his birth...” Jenna sighed and then rolled onto her side so she was facing away from him. She didn't want him to see just how worried she was about THAT happening.

Rather than him rolling her onto her back again she let out a shriek as she felt his hand come down on her ass. He hadn't done that to her in years.

“That was a bit naught...” Jenna started to say but the rest of her words were replaced by a shaky moan as Lucas's palm again made contact with her ass.

“Can't help it... your delicious booty was right there and... I didn't even think about it,” Lucas admitted as he rubbed her bottom, causing her clit to throb and her pussy to tighten. She had forgotten the immediate effect being spanked had on her body.

Jenna waited for Lucas's hand to come down on her again and when it didn't happen she started to whimper... luckily he got the message and brought his hand down on her butt again, sending jolts of pleasure throughout her body and causing her to grip onto the side of the bed. Lucas started to bring his hand down on her butt over and over, it felt just as good as it ever had, but she had a feeling he was holding back... and she didn't want him to.

“You can do it harder...” Jenna whispered.

“Are you sure? I haven't done it in a long time... I thought maybe you'd need to be gently weaned back into it,” Lucas whispered back and Jenna giggled.

“Complete opposite actually,” Jenna informed him and realised that their old spanking positions wouldn't really work due to the enormous belly in front of her.

“Mind if we move from the bed?” Lucas asked and Jenna could tell by the tone of his voice that he had something in mind.

“Lead the way,” Jenna replied and got off the bed.

Lucas got off the bed and took her hand then led her from the bedroom and into the bathroom. Jenna saw the vanity unit and grinned as she remembered the many times Lucas had spanked her while she supported herself on the vanity unit and watched him in the mirror. She let out a moan as she put her hands on the vanity and Lucas stepped in behind her, their eyes connecting via the mirror. Jenna watched as Lucas moved his hand backward and then brought it down on her ass, the clench she felt inside was incredible and left her wanting more. Again Lucas drew his hand backward and brought it down on her ass, the loud slapping noise almost as satisfying as the pleasurable pain caused by the palm-ass contact. They kept their eyes locked on each other and Lucas continued spanking her, each contact causing her pussy to tighten and her clit to throb.

Jenna was sure Lucas was still holding back a little and between ass slaps whimpered the word 'harder'. The following contact was indeed harder and Jenna couldn't help the loud cry that came from her, the cry becoming louder with each consecutive palm-ass contact. She was so turned on that between contacts she was aware of the wetness spreading down her thighs, and that there was a deep ache inside her pussy.

As Lucas continued to spank her Jenna became overwhelmed by the sensations and knew that soon she would need him inside her. Spanking wasn't just about the physical act of hand against ass, there was also the anticipation while waiting for the hand to come back down against her ass, there was the sound caused by the impact of palm against ass and then there was the strong emotional connection caused by the via-the-mirror eye contact. It was a complete experience and one that never failed to arouse her to a level that she had been unaware even existed prior to the first time he had spanked her.

Lucas moved his hands to her hips and Jenna held her breath as she watched him in the mirror. He stepped forward, pulled lightly on her hips to adjust the angle, his cock brushed against her hole as he lined himself up and as he pulled her backwards at the same time as he stepped in, Jenna cried out loudly. She couldn't get enough of him and immediately pressed backward, wanting to feel him as deeply inside her as was possible. Lucas groaned loudly and began to move against her, his fingers tightly gripping her hips, his cock hitting the back of her pussy harder with each impact. Jenna's cries very quickly turned to screams and she found herself begging him to move harder against her.

Lucas moved harder and his grunts were just as loud as her screams... she didn't give a fuck that the bathroom window was open and that their neighbours would be able to hear them. The only thing she cared about was the pleasure they were giving and receiving from each other... pleasure which was increasing at a faster rate than she had anticipated. Jenna gripped the edge of the vanity unit very tightly as she felt her thighs starting to tighten while her pussy tensed up around his cock... the force he was slamming into her with was too much for her to handle any longer. She let out a loud, long scream as her orgasm hit, right at the same time as Lucas let out a loud roar and pulled her tightly against him. They rode out their orgasms together and then slowly collapsed to the floor, Lucas helping Jenna down until she was sitting between his legs.

Jenna leaned back against his chest and tried to catch her breath and it proved to be a harder task than usual. Lucas kissed her neck and she giggled quietly as she thought about what a sight they must have been... both covered in sweat, naked, sitting on the bathroom floor. Jenna smiled when his hands made their way to her belly and Theo immediately gave him a hard boot to the hand. It hadn't even occurred to her that Theo had probably been a little shaken around because of the sex, especially because he was fast running out of room! She rolled her eyes when he moved into a position that put a lot of pressure on her bladder. How sexy... post sex bliss ruined by 'sorry hunny, I need to pee'.

“Your son is trying to ruin the mood,” Jenna sighed. “I need to go to pee,” she informed him. Lucas chuckled as he stood up and helped her to her feet.

“I guess he's just getting us used to what it'll be like when he's here... you know... we'll be just about to have sex and he'll start crying... that sort of thing,” Lucas joked. Jenna laughed but wondered if perhaps he was right. Sneaky baby.

“I think that might be why they eventually go into their own room,” Jenna suggested and they both laughed.

Jenna went to the toilet and then followed Lucas through to their bedroom. They climbed into bed and lay on their sides facing each other.

“That was... unexpected,” Jenna started, feeling weirdly shy.

“I know... I didn't plan on it, but... you rolled over... that butt was there and I just... I couldn't help it,” Lucas said sounding almost apologetic.

“It was amazing... didn't realise how much I had missed it,” Jenna said honestly.

“I felt nervous doing it... after the last time...” Lucas replied and smiled sadly at her.

“Last time was a long time ago, baby,” Jenna said, moving her hand up to his face so she could stroke his cheek.

“After that time I swore I would never do it again,” Lucas commented.

“Hey... things have changed since then. We are both different people and our relationship has changed,” Jenna said soothingly, tears coming to her eyes as Lucas moved up against her and buried his face in her chest.

As she ran her fingers through his hair and stroked the back of his neck, Jenna thought back to the early days of their relationship. They had been only together a couple of months when Jenna had confessed to Lucas that she got quite turned on by the thought of being spanked... it had only taken one time before spanking had become a regular part of their sex life. It was by no means an everyday occurrence, but did happen numerous times a month. After Sasha died they went through a long period of having no sex at all and it took even longer before he began to spank her again... but eventually their sex life went back to normal.

Everything was fine (in that department anyway) until one night about two years after Sasha had died. Lucas got home from training in a bad mood and it was made even worse when Jenna told him she was planning on going to the mall by herself to get a haircut and do a little shopping. They had a huge fight and, as was so often the case after the screaming and yelling was done, they ended up in bed getting very hot and heavy, with Jenna eventually ending up on her knees, leaning against the headboard so that Lucas could begin to spank her.

The spanking had been one of the most intense she'd ever experienced and it was the ONLY time she had ever asked him to stop spanking her. They had sex and when it was all over Lucas got out of bed to go to the toilet. Ten minutes later he hadn't returned so Jenna got up to see what was keeping him and found him sitting in the lounge – butt naked – and with tears in his eyes.

Jenna sat down beside him and asked him repeatedly what was wrong... it was obvious something was up and she didn't plan on letting him away without telling her. Eventually he turned to her and explained that when he was spanking her he was doing it from a place of anger... he was still pissed off about her wanting to go out and when he started to spank her that anger seemed to come out and he had been unable to control himself.

Jenna hadn't known what to say so did all she felt she could and wrapped her arms around him. After a few minutes Jenna led him back to the bedroom and told him that she was glad he had been honest with her, but didn't let on just how shaken up she was after his confession. Lucas swore right there and then that he would never spank her again because he was afraid that he would hurt her, and that if that did happen he would never be able to forgive himself.

And that was that. It was never brought up again and their sex life went on as usual... just minus the spanking that they had both enjoyed so much.

Jenna smiled when she managed to leave her little daze. Lucas was rubbing her belly and Theo was just starting to move around, it was most certainly her happy place and the thought of getting out of bed did not appeal in the least. She was just about to suggest to Lucas that they have something simple for dinner and then watch DVDs in bed when there was a knock on the bedroom door.

“Hello you two, your clothes are outside the door,” came Josephine's voice. Lucas looked at Jenna in horror.

“Uhhhh must have fallen out of the washing basket,” Lucas called back and Jenna could hear Josephine laughing.

“I might be old but I'm not stupid,” Josephine replied. “Am I okay to stay home now or should I head back out for a while?” she asked and Jenna laughed.

“You're fine, Josie... we'll be up in a minute,” Jenna told her and Lucas rolled his eyes.

“I was looking forward to taking advantage of you again,” Lucas informed her quietly and Jenna smirked at him.

“You will just have to do it later on when we go to bed,” Jenna replied.

“I guess I can wait,” Lucas said and after kissing her, got out of bed and put some trackpants on before opening the door and getting their pile of clothing, which as promised, was sitting just outside the door.

Something a little different

This year one of my classes I am taking is Creative Writing.  I thought I would love the paper but have to admit I am finding it hard because so much of it is about the analysis of writing, rather than 'just writing'.

In the poetry unit I wrote a poem that I thought was what the lecturer was after... it was in no way my own style of writing, and I was devastated when I got a lot of 'you need to fix this...' type feedback.  I had put so much effort into it and turned myself inside out writing it, it was a real blow to not get the positive feedback I was hoping for.

Then along came the fiction unit of the class.  As with the poetry unit, we had to submit a short story to go in our final portfolio, and the thought made me slightly nauseous.  Writing 1000-3000 words is something I do on a very regular basis, but I felt nervous about the fact it would be academically critiqued....

After discussing it with my wifey, I decided that I could build on a scene I have already written (obviously one that doesn't contain sex!), or  I could write some back story - something that happens in the past of one of my characters, something that wasn't touched on in real detail in a story.

Then it came to me.  Or to my wife.  I can't remember which.  In one of the stories I am working on, there are two characters - Jenna and Lucas - and before the point in time the story started they had lost a baby, Sasha, at 14 weeks.  I decided I would write the loss from Jenna's perspective, go into all the detail my story didn't.

THEN my wonderful wife suggested I could write the story from Lucas's perspective.  I immediately loved the idea and knew that was the path I was going to take.

The draft of the short story had to be submitted today, and I thought I would post it to my blog as well.  This ISN'T the final product, but you get the idea!

----------------------------------------------------------------

(Untitled... so far)

Four different text message tones rang out simultaneously, the melody of tones met by loud cheers as Lucas and his friends were welcomed back into the real world. No cellphone reception in this day and age? Surely that qualified as a crime against humanity? While everyone else busied themselves checking text messages and updating every social media network known to man, Lucas concentrated on the road and looked forward to getting out at the pub and being able to read the five text messages he had received. A smiled crossed his face at the knowledge that in a few minutes he could finally be back in contact with Jenna. God he missed her!

It was Trevor's stag do and Jenna had insisted that he attend. When he had refused she had looked at him sternly, her nostrils flared, lips pursed and figuratively and literally put her foot down, stomping it against the kitchen tiles as she had reminded him that she was pregnant not an invalid. Lucas knew she was right but he hated the thought of leaving her on her own. The first trimester had been rough for Jenna with the baby using morning sickness as a way to remind her five, six, seven times a day of his or her presence. When she wasn't grasping onto the toilet willing the sickness to stop, she was lying on the couch half asleep or walking around in a zombie-like state.

Lucas had never felt more useless than he had in those first twelve weeks of Jenna's pregnancy. Every day he would leave for work at the last minute and return as fast as was humanly (and legally) possible. Seeing Jenna so sick was hard for him, but whenever he admitted how helpless he felt, Jenna would remind him that it was all for a good cause and then take his hand in hers and rest it lightly on her belly. His hand easily spanned her belly and he impatiently awaited the day when it wouldn't, and he would be able to feel his precious baby girl (he knew it was a girl!) moving beneath his palm.

When he finally parked the car and everyone piled out Lucas locked up and they walked inside 'The Thistle', a pub that had over time become their pub. They had each had their 21^st there, Rob and now Trevor had spent part of their stag night there; Scott's birthday party was always held at the Thistle. It was a sort of sanctuary for them, full of many happy memories, and now here they were ready to add to the memories as they celebrated Trev's last weekend of bachelorhood.

Sitting at the bar with a coke in hand Lucas finally checked his text messages, deciding to leave the voice message for last. He smiled happily as he read the texts from Jenna.

10.38am – It is so boring at home without you, I hope you and your boyfriends are having fun in the jungle xxx

1.17pm – Can you come home and cook for me? I can't be bothered... this bub is making me extremely tired today

3.42pm – Stretched out on the couch watching Food Network, it isn't the same without you here complaining about how hungry this stupid channel makes you. I love you x

4.22pm – Going to have a lie down, feeling a bit off... will ring you when you are back in the real world. I miss you and bubba misses you xxx

Lucas smiled as he held the phone to his ear so he could listen to the voicemail left by Jenna at 5.46pm. The moment he heard Jenna's panicked voice the smile dropped from his face and his heart started to race as key words sucker punched him in the stomach. 'Scared' 'bleeding' 'pain' 'losing baby' 'ambulance' 'need you' 'please come', each word caused bile to rise up his throat and his heart to race at an unhealthy speed.

“Gotta go,” Lucas gasped as he stood up from his stool so quickly it fell over.

“What the hell, it's my stag do! You can't leave, bro!” Trevor complained. Lucas could only shake his head.

“Something is wrong with Jenna and the baby,” Lucas snapped at Trevor and ran through the crowded room towards the exit.

Outside he ran straight to his car and then spent what felt like an hour fumbling with his keys trying to unlock the damn door! Finally sitting behind the steering wheel, Lucas forced himself to take deep breaths in an attempt to regain some form of composure. It was a fruitless exercise, the only thing the supposed calming breaths did was make him realise he had wasted thirty seconds which could have been spent travelling home.

Rationally Lucas knew he shouldn't be driving but he didn't care. He NEEDED to be with Jenna and would do whatever it took. A cursory glance at the dashboard clock told him it was 7.58pm and he cringed when he realised that meant Jenna had been alone, in pain and terrified for over two hours. It was all his fault. He never should have gone on the trip, he should have been the one to put his foot down and tell her that NO – he wasn't going. If he hadn't gone perhaps it wouldn't be happening. Maybe there was something he could have done if he had been home?

At some point during the journey his cellphone started to ring. He had no idea how long he had been driving, only that every second he was a second closer to being by Jenna's side. When he picked up his phone, it was just like Jenna's voicemail, he only registered key words. 'Doctor Bishop' 'threatened miscarriage' 'gave her something to help her sleep' 'get here as soon as possible' 'obstetrics ward room 4'. Obstetrics ward room 4. Of all the words he had managed to take in those were the words swarming through his brain. Obstetrics ward room 4, Jenna, their baby. He had to get there.

The sight of the city had never been so welcome or terrifying and as Lucas drove closer to the hospital he found it impossible to stick to the speed limit. It felt like his heart was going to burst with a mixture of sheer panic and the immensity of the love he felt for Jenna and for their baby.

He silently begged a magical higher power to stop the pain for Jenna, to keep their baby's heart beating nice and strong, to be able to take Jenna – and her burgeoning bump – home the following day, to have the whole experience deemed 'unexplained but resolved'. They had so many dreams for their baby, for their family, and he couldn't fathom life without those dreams. Or their baby.

Parking in the hospital carpark and making it up to the obstetrics ward was a complete blur. He had no idea if he had parked in a legal capark, he had no idea who he had spoken to to get directions and make it up to the obstetric ward, but there he was. The corridor seemed to be a painfully bright white and it was eerily quiet. No one was there to greet him, to lead him solemnly down the hall to Jenna's room... so he ran.

His lungs and eyes were burning as he passed room after room, the numbers on the doors slowly getting smaller... 32 – 28 – 20 – 16 – 12 – 10 – 8 – 6 – and finally 4. Lucas burst into the room and moved so quickly to Jenna's side that he had to wonder if he had flown.

As his lips pressed gently against her forehead Lucas could feel tears starting to stream down his face, hot, wet, sticky tears which burnt his eyes. Clasping her hand in his own he tried to send a silent message to her that he was there, that she wasn't alone anymore. He felt her fingers move against his and as he watched her eyelids flickering he was again overcome by emotion, tears burning a trail down his cheeks as Jenna slowly woke up and realised he was there.

There were no words exchanged, only a look which said far more than any words could. Jenna was terrified, he was terrified, and they both knew what was coming. Lucas perched on the side of Jenna's bed and when she moved over he lay beside her. The moment his arms were securely around her he felt her body quivering as she started to sob. Her fingers dug deeply into his hip, like she was clinging on for dear life, trying to anchor herself to him... as if he could protect her from the tragedy that was unfolding.

A soft knock on the door was soon followed by the soothing voice of a doctor who had come to check on Jenna. The doctor – Doctor Bishop from the phone – introduced himself and explained they were keeping a very close eye on Jenna and the baby. The words 'threatened miscarriage' were spoken again, but the look on Bishop's face made it clear to Lucas that they were no longer dealing with a 'threatened' miscarriage, and rather were waiting for the inevitable.

If only he had stayed home. Surely he could have stopped it? What sort of father was he?

Bishop placed the doppler on Jenna's belly while Jenna and Lucas clutched onto each other's hand and squeezed their eyes tightly shut, neither breathing or moving a muscle.

THUMP... THUMP... THUMP... THUMP... THUMP... THUMP...

Who knew a heartbeat could sound so melodic and heavenly?

“Record it bub, please? I want to be able to hear that when...” Jenna whispered, tears coming in place of the end of the sentence.

Bishop smiled sadly and knowingly as he held the doppler in place and Lucas took a sound recording of their precious baby's heartbeat. He didn't want to hit the 'stop' button, feeling that by doing so he was giving their darling baby permission to die.

“It's slower, isn't it?” Jenna asked Bishop, her voice cracking as she tried to fight back tears.

“I am extremely sorry, Jenna, but yes, the heart rate has been steadily decreasing since we began monitoring when you arrived,” Bishop told them honestly as he turned the doppler off and wiped the wand with a tissue.

Lucas hated doing so but he had to ask what would happen next. As with Jenna's voice message and Dr Bishop's phone call earlier, the discussion was foggy with only key terms registering in his brain. 'Dilation' 'natural delivery' 'epidural' 'surgery' 'D&C', some were terms they had once been excited about hearing, others were terms they had hoped to never have to hear.

He had to be strong for Jenna, but hearing about the procedure for after the baby had been born was too much for Lucas. With Jenna's hand in his own he slumped forward with his face in the mattress and was overwhelmed by the intensity of the tears which came. They poured from his eyes like waterfalls and there was nothing he could do to stop them. His heart was shattering into billions of little pieces and the world felt as if it was closing in around him.

That morning he and Jenna had shared a very passionate kiss before he left, he had then dropped to his knees and smattered little kisses all over her belly as he told the tiny joy inside to behave for Mummy. Only two weeks earlier they had seen their baby wiggling around on the ultrasound screen and had been excited at hearing the heartbeat for the very first time. The first time of many, the midwife had promised.

Yet there they were. Preparing to hold onto and say goodbye to their darling first child twenty-six weeks earlier than expected. Their baby wouldn't be crying or nuzzling at the breast, nor would he or she be wrapping his or her tiny hand around his finger. The child they had been so excited to meet at the end of the year would now fit in the palm of his hand and weigh 'around fifty grams'. No crying, no nuzzling, no moments that would melt their hearts.

'You don't have to see or hold the baby if you don't want to', Bishop had informed them.

That wasn't an option. They may have been welcoming their child into the world under vastly different circumstances than they had expected, but regardless of how small their child was, he or she WAS their child. Lucas wanted to know if they had a son or daughter, he wanted to know if the child would look like him or (he hoped) like Jenna, he needed the chance to commit their precious child's face to memory.

It wasn't long after Bishop left the room that Jenna's pains began to get worse. Lucas held her hand through each pain and told her to focus on her breathing. He tried to be calm, he tried to use a soothing tone of voice, but when the pains got so bad that Jenna was crying, Lucas's whole façade came tumbling down. The red button on the console beside the bed was pushed over and over until nurses ran into the room and Lucas begged them to stop the pain Jenna was in.

Upon suggesting perhaps she was in labour, Jenna agreed to let a nurse examine her, while another squirted gel on Jenna's belly and began to use the doppler.

Silence filled the room.

There was no longer a hoof-like THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP resonating from inside Jenna's belly.

Sympathetic looks were offered to them as Jenna gasped for breath, choking on her raw grief. Lucas shook his head. No. They hadn't used it in the right place. Try the other side. No. It couldn't be. NO.

“So sorry for your loss.”

Urgent looks passed between the two nurses. “CALL BISHOP NOW”.

“No dilation.”

“Blood loss.”

“Excessive.”

“Surgery.”

“Emergency.”

“Quickly say goodbye.”

“Please step out of the way.”

“A nurse will be with you as soon as possible.”

His baby was gone and now what, he was going to lose Jenna as well? Lucas fell to the floor and sat staring at a speck of yellow cotton on beige lino. Never in his life had he felt so alone, so terrified, so useless or so petrified. He didn't understand what was going on, only that their baby was dead and something was drastically wrong with Jenna. It was impossible to breathe through the pain, or perhaps he didn't want to breathe? What was life without Jenna? As the room went black his last silent words were an apology to Jenna. He had left her alone. Their baby had died. Jenna was having emergency surgery. It was all his fault.

It felt like fifty lifetimes before a nurse happily confirmed that Jenna had made it through surgery and was in recovery. It felt like one hundred more lifetimes before he was back at the bedside of the love of his life. Jenna. He still had his Jenna.

And temporarily they had their child. Their little girl they had named Sasha. So small it was hard to comprehend, yet she was perfect. A beautiful little nose and lips just like her mummy. Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes, her daddy's big feet, her mummy's dainty little hands.

Never before had he experienced such conflicting emotions. The feeling of complete and utter pride and joy, mixed with the most painful grief known to man or woman. His heart burst at the sight of Jenna holding Sasha, and at the same time it broke into a trillion tiny little pieces. It was an experience no person should ever have to go through, but as Lucas sat looking at Jenna and their little girl, he was struck by what a hauntingly beautiful sight they were.

He needed to capture that moment.

Holding his cellphone as steadily as he could Lucas took a photo of Jenna and Sasha. Of his two girls. Mother and daughter.

It was something he had never confessed to Jenna, but since they had found out she was pregnant Lucas had looked forward to the day he could make the background picture on his cellphone a picture of Jenna and their baby, the two loves of his life.

The day he and Jenna became parents might not have played out the way he'd imagined it would, and the idea of going home without their darling Sasha was something he hadn't even begun to face up to. No parent ever imagined they would go home without their baby... yet there they were, getting horribly close to the moment they would hand their daughter over forever.

There would be no baby sleeping in the cot that was already set up in the corner of their bedroom. The baby clothes in beautiful shades of pink and blue they had purchased would remain forever unworn.

Their child would never sleep in their arms, but he and Jenna - they would always be proud parents.