Saturday 30 August 2014

Unexpected curiosity that led to empowerment

The brain really is an amazing (crazy, silly, bizarre) thing.  Close to a couple of months ago now, I posted a blog post entitled Is it BDSM or is it abuse?, in which I shared my personal story of sexual abuse.  Potentially the most traumatising aspect of my period of abuse, was the fact I was anally raped on more than one occasion.

It makes sense that because of this, the thought of anal sex was enough to make me feel sick and to send me into a depressive cycle.  Reliving the experience would bring me to tears, it would make me shake, it would set off a full blown anxiety attack.  Anal sex.  The thought of it disgusted me and whenever I saw mention of anal being pleasurable I would frown, scoff and shake my head.  Pleasurable?  No-fucking-way.

I met my wife and told her what had happened to me when I was 20, for the first time in my life I was actually able to talk about it in person, with someone who actually cared about me, and was more than willing to listen to what I had to say.  It felt good to be able to get it out of my system, to be able to release some of the pressure I was feeling inside my head, pressure that had built up over years of keeping my mouth shut and keeping it all inside.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago.  I was in bed with my wonderful wifey, we were fooling around... I started to get carried away by the way she was making me feel (y'know, about a second away from screaming so loudly the neighbours would possibly ring the cops) and suddenly in my little pre-orgasmic fantasy I was having anal sex.

What.  The.  Fuck?

I didn't tell her straight away.  In fact, I planned on not telling her because I felt embarrassed and even a little ashamed.  After all the trauma I had been through, there I was, getting off on the idea of having anal sex.  It just didn't compute.

I couldn't stop thinking about it though, and suddenly became very curious about anal sex.  Surely if so many people could vouch for it being pleasurable, well... maybe it could be?  A couple of days later we were in bed talking, and for whatever reason the discussion turned to anal sex... I likely mentioned not understanding how it could be pleasurable, and she told me that in her experiences it had indeed felt good.  I believe it was then that I admitted my curiosity to her... and told her I felt like I had been short changed, because what could potentially have been a pleasurable experience had been ruined for me because of one bastard of an ex.

We continued talking and I truly don't remember how we got there, but she suggested I could write a
m/f/m threesome scene with double penetration... y'know, it could be a kind of therapeutic way to 'experience' anal sex in a controlled environment, where I was in charge. It made sense to me, and I decided to go for it.  I researched a little, I spoke more to my wife about her experiences, and then I was ready to write.  But I had no idea what positions to put my characters in...

So we watched porn for inspiration.  Most of our time was spent laughing at how fake it was, rolling our eyes because of the cliché nature of the storylines... but then there was a scene or two that caught my eye, and after watching rather than feeling repulsed, I felt... well, quite the opposite.

After this night my curiosity grew and after writing my scene (and having a bloody good time doing so), I really started to feel pissed off that I would never experience anal as something pleasurable.  During one of our many discussions in bed, I eventually confessed this to my wife... and I don't remember a lot about it, but eventually we decided perhaps it was something we could explore further together.  I still felt embarrassed, but my curiosity started to outweigh my embarrassment... and one day while relaxing in bed things got a little heated.  There was touching.

Touching like I had never given or received before.  It was relaxed and slow, and more than enough to make me realise I wanted to explore even further, at some point.  Okay, it felt amazing when she was touching me, and I was amazed that being touched there could bring me so much pleasure.  Equally I was surprised when I was touching her, that she got just as turned on as if I was touching her clit.  We didn't even go 'all the way', there was just finger pressure, no insertion...  I knew I  wanted to go further at some stage, but that there was no rush.

It finally happened this week.  A month, maybe a bit more after that first little bit of touching I got up the guts to tell my wife my curiosity was getting too much for me and that I wanted to explore further.

I have never ever felt so shy in my life as I felt telling my wife I wanted to put my finger inside her ass.  I had no idea how to go about it, hell, I didn't even know what to do with the lube... just the finger? the butthole too?  Was our strawberry lube okay, or should we use that other tube of lube we were given (neither have been used before, both were gifts!)?

Eventually we got there.  I did something to my wife that  I never in a million years imagined I would do to her.  More to the point, it was something I never imagined wanting to do.  But I did.  And I enjoyed it 100% more than I thought I would.  She didn't ask me to stop, she didn't say it wasn't working for her... and when I made her orgasm, it was possibly the most proud I have ever felt of any orgasm I have given her!  Can one be proud of an orgasm?

I think I felt 'proud' of the orgasm, because for me, it was symbolic of me overcoming something that had been incredibly traumatic, and had had a hugely negative impact on my life.  Afterward I couldn't stop grinning, hell, I even giggled for a while.  My wife looked amused and asked why I appeared so happy, and I told her it was because I had replaced a horrible, terrifying memory, with a pleasurable, happy memory.  It was like I was saying to my ex 'you no longer have any control over me, or this aspect of my sexuality'.

I don't know what will happen next, or when it will happen... all I know is that I feel so incredibly lucky to have such a special woman in my life, who has helped me to heal when I didn't think it would ever be remotely possible.

Wednesday 20 August 2014

Horny Hump Day - Aug 20th

This week I am taking part in my first Horny Hump Day blog hop!  The whole idea behind Horny Hump Day, is for erotica authors to share three sentences of their writing, to tease & entice readers!

For my very first Horny Hump Day, I am going to share three sentences from the very first story I published, Georgia: Restrained, which is from my 'Georgia & Zoe' series.

The premise of the story is very simple.  Zoe ties Georgia up and has her very wicked way with her, teasing her until she is ready to burst... of course the teasing results in a coma-inducing orgasm for Georgia!



Crying out loudly, Georgia looked down to where Zoe was lying between her legs and glimpsed the pink vibrator in her hand.  Zoe slammed the vibrator deep inside her pussy, causing Georgia to cry out so loudly it was closer to a scream than a cry.  It was the most exquisite, welcome feeling, causing her to see stars.



Sunday 10 August 2014

Jake gets his very own personal (naughty!) nurse

When Jake gets injured his girlfriend, Victoria, takes it upon herself to be his personal nurse.  Considering the two can't keep their hands off each other, it is no surprise when Victoria puts a very sexy spin on her temporary role as his very hands-on nurse.  Who can blame her?!

Enjoy!


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When Jake's shoulder started to hurt again Victoria insisted he stay on the couch while she went to get his painkillers for him. A couple of minutes later he heard the bathroom door closing and could hear her walking down the hall toward the lounge, but when she came through the doorway Jake was very unprepared for what he saw. Gone were her t-shirt and jeans, replaced by a red and white corset with the tell-tale red cross embroidered in the middle of it, a pair of white stockings, the outfit finished off with a pair of very high, very shiny, very slutty red patent heels.

“Jesus Christ...” Jake uttered, finding it impossible to close his mouth as Victoria approached. He gulped nervously. He really had not been prepared to see her like that!
“Here is your medication, Mr Carter,” Victoria said handing him his painkillers, before turning around and bending over to pick up his drink bottle.
“Uh, thanks...” he replied as she handed him his drink bottle and the pills, which he quickly swallowed.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Victoria asked very professionally, as she placed his drink bottle back on the coffee table.
“No...” Jake answered, still a touch dumbfounded. He knew she had had a naughty nurse scenario planned, but the reality was so much better than he'd anticipated.
“Is there anything I can do to you?” Victoria asked, her voice suddenly had a very seductive, husky quality about it.
“Well, I could do with a little hug,” Jake said, starting to get his composure back.
“I can do that,” Victoria noted, then leaned over and kissed his forehead. “You feel hot. Perhaps you should take your pants off,” she said in that same sexy tone of voice. Jake raised an eyebrow at her and stood up.
“Maybe I should,” he replied, but before he could put his hands on his waistband, Victoria stopped him.
“Allow me to do that for you, Mr Carter,” Victoria insisted, dropping to her knees and looking up at him through her eyelashes – the sight was simply too much for him and his cock started to throb.

Victoria slowly pulled his pants down and then looked up at him again, this time biting her lip. As she freed him from his boxers, he whimpered.

“I should probably check your temperature,” Victoria suggested and Jake looked down at her warily.
“Oh, and um, how would you do that?” he asked. Rather than answer him, Victoria showed him, lightly licking the tip of his cock.
“Oh god...” he whispered, as she ran her tongue over the head of his cock again.
“Sorry, but I can't get an accurate reading, I need to check again,” Victoria told him, her voice very serious.

As her mouth slid down the length of his cock he exhaled loudly and hoped like hell she wouldn't spend too long 'checking his temperature', because he wasn't sure how much of that he could handle. She sucked him gently and much to his relief didn't take him deep in her throat... he didn't want to cum while she was sucking his cock, because he had no idea how she felt about the idea of him cumming in her mouth. He was aware it wasn't something every woman enjoyed! Luckily she kissed his cock goodbye and stood up, then put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him seriously.


My Sexy Saturday, week 54

The weeks are just going faster and faster!  Another Saturday is upon us (well, it's Sunday in my part of the world), and that means one thing.  It's time for My Sexy Saturday!  For those of you who have no idea what My Sexy Saturday is, it is a chance for writers of erotica to share 7 words, 7 sentences or 7 paragraphs of their work, based on a different theme each week.

This weeks theme, for example, is 'Do You Think I'm Sexy', and I have decided to go with 7 sentences from the very first story I wrote... a story that will never be published, but one that I love all the same!

In this scene Victoria's injured boyfriend is treated to some very special one-on-one nursing care, by his own very sexy, very naughty nurse... (I may post this scene in its entirety on my blog later today, so keep an eye out!)




When Jake's shoulder started to hurt again Victoria insisted he stay on the couch while she went to get his painkillers for him. A couple of minutes later he heard the bathroom door closing and could hear her walking down the hall toward the lounge, but when she came through the doorway Jake was very unprepared for what he saw. Gone were her t-shirt and jeans, replaced by a red and white corset with the tell-tale red cross embroidered in the middle of it, a pair of white stockings, the outfit finished off with a pair of very high, very shiny, very slutty red patent heels.

“Jesus christ...” Jake uttered, finding it impossible to close his mouth as Victoria approached. He gulped nervously. He really had not been prepared to see her like that!
“Here is your medication, Mr Carter,” Victoria said handing him his painkillers, before turning around and bending over to pick up his drink bottle, making him very aware of her pantiless state.


Saturday 9 August 2014

A little teaser from my first m/f/m threesome

Because polyamory is a theme in a lot of my stories, I have written more than my fair share of
threesomes... however, they have ALL consisted of two women and one man.  Deciding it was time to branch out, I recently wrote my first threesome scene with two men and one woman.  Not only did I write my first m/f/m threesome, I also wrote my first scene containing anal sex!  That was a big thing for me, and I have to admit, it was more enjoyable to write than I thought it would be!

As it stands right now, this particular story could work as the first in a series of short stories, OR as a scene from a novel.  I haven't quite decided which route to take with this series?/novel?, but decided that while I make up my mind, I would share a tiny teaser of the tentatively titled 'With Friends Like These'.

This little excerpt involves Jamie, her boyfriend Josh, and their best friend Marcus.  Jamie has had a m/f/m fantasy for a long time, and for her 32nd birthday, Josh has arranged for that little fantasy to come true, with Marcus the other 'm' in the equation.  Clearly the friendship between Jamie, Josh and Marcus is a special one! 

Enjoy!

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It didn't take much for Jamie to get carried away. Having two cocks at her mercy gave her an arousing sense of power and the groans and moans coming from Josh and Marcus spurred her on to pump them both faster. She probably could have used her hands until they both got off, but that wasn't how she wanted the night to end for the two men. She wanted their night to end when they were both buried deep inside her, spent, after filling her with their cocks and their cum. Both men were like steel in her hands, and her pussy was beyond sopping wet... she knew they were all ready to take the next step.

Jamie broke off the kiss she and Josh were sharing and smiled softly at him. 'I love you,' she mouthed and Josh gave her an adoring look as he mouthed 'I love you' back. It was time. She knew it, he knew it, and turning around to look at Marcus, the wild look on his face suggested he knew it was well. Lying down, Jamie rolled onto her side and smiled at Marcus, then lightly pressed her lips against his and immediately felt her pussy reacting. His cock was solid against her belly, while Josh's was equally as hard, pressing against the small of her back as he kissed along the back of her shoulders and traced lazy circles on her hip.

The kiss between her and Marcus became more passion-fuelled and instinctively Jamie pressed her hips against him. His body felt so strong and hard against her own, familiar, safe... yet at the same time something she felt detached from. Josh pressed up behind her and when she felt the tip of his cock nudge against the crack of her ass she let out an anticipatory moan as flashbacks of his cock moving slowly in and out of her ass flooded her memory. At the same time, the length of Marcus's cock was pressing against her slit, the pressure causing her cunt to clench uncontrollably. She needed Josh. She needed Marcus. Every single nerve in her body was craving the feeling of their cocks.


Sunday 3 August 2014

My Sexy Saturday, week 53

Saturday is upon us again, which means it is time for another My Sexy Saturday!  If you aren't familiar with My Sexy Saturday, it is a chance for writers to share 7 words, 7 sentences, or 7 paragraphs of their writing, based on a particular theme each week.

This week the theme is 'Our Sexy Love', and I have chosen an excerpt from an untitled WIP, focusing on a polyamorous foursome.  This scene happens after Amelia's new love interest, Harrison, has been punched by her ex-boyfriend.  They have been taking their time getting to know each other, and haven't even kissed yet, but the tension growing between them is overwhelming, to say the least.





“Can I do anything?” Amelia asked quietly.
“You are already making it feel better,” Harrison whispered, he knew it was probably a cheesy comment, but the words were out before he could stop them.

Amelia cupped his face with both hands and before he realised what was happening she leaned in and lightly kissed just beneath his eye. She repeated the action, this time kissing the edge of the bruising on the outer corner of his eye, and then again just above his eye. When she moved to kiss his cheek again, Harrison tilted his head up and rather than feeling her lips against his cheek, they brushed almost imperceptably against his lips. Their eyes connected and Harrison swallowed nervously, awaiting her next move, hoping like hell she wouldn't climb off his lap and leave. He was terrified he had read the situation wrong and had crossed the line.

Sexy Sunday Scribble

Happy Sunday!